Gushings

I feel really lucky to have emerged from high school not only in one piece, but with a group of really amazing friends who love to be with each other and get along so well. You make me so happy, but I'm so sad to have to leave you in just a few days. I know there will be more friends to make in college, but it took me more than half of high school to find people I really liked and feel like I fit in and was comfortable with who I was. I wish I had had more time with you, and I hope it doesn't take me that long to find good friends in college.

Leaving home is hard enough as it is... especially because we don't live in Utah or somewhere boring. I already miss the Bay: its temperate weather, amazing food and culture, neighborhoods that I've come to know, people I've met, places I've gone. As we scatter to different states, we are all leaving behind pretty much everything and everyone we know. Some people from our class will definitely move on and lose touch with their high school friends. I can't really picture a life without any of your presences... I hope we are friends for the rest of our lives.

Okay, sorry I'm being so sappy. It's rare that you actually have a chance to think about all this kind of stuff. I was thinking about this today because I was in this underground tunnel (I know, weird). It's like a storm drain type thing, but it's really big and long. Inside, it's completely dark and, except for water dripping and flowing and the occasional car rumbling overhead, it's quiet. Your eyes dilate and any tiny crack of light that shines through is the purest most beautiful thing imaginable. It's really peaceful down there. We walked for over an hour to get through, and I was struck by the frantically moving flashlight beams in the stillest place on earth. It's so peaceful but yet utterly unnatural, somehow hypernatural. So anyway, we were walking, our feet tromping hypnotically, and I had a lot of time to think without any other stimuli.

Here I am, sitting in my room, surrounded by all my stuff, and I can't even really imagine leaving it all here, packing a few things in boxes. And I'm just thinking about my room right now, not even my house or my family or my street or any of those random things I know I will suddenly really miss. Don't get me wrong, I have regularly scheduled freak-outs because I am so excited for New York. Who could not be excited? But now that it's almost here, I am mentally so far away from that. Especially since New York City is probably the most hyped place on the planet. It's hard to know what to expect. Will my life really be like what I'm imagining and what everyone is telling me? There's no way to know. It's just crazy to think that after I move out in a few days, that's it. I will never live at home again.